The Winter Sun is Her Halo: A Would-Be Tumblr Blog

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Only in the winter is it anywhere nearly safe to gaze upon the Snow Angel's pale yellow watery halo. Only in the winter is the sun gentle. Especially when seen through a tangle of bare black twisted tree branches or through the dirty window of the passenger's seat in a car. It is like a cry from the sea that things are still alive. You just have to look for them, before night falls, and night falls fast.

And now I will delete it

Man in Diner

caution tape

on losing one's mind

I was recently thinking that most people's top worst fears include losing their minds. Well, I HAVE literally lost my mind, but I've always found it again. And while it's not a pleasant experience, since it's not unknown territory for me, and I have go-to coping/ getting back on track strategies for when it happens, the prospect of losing my mind (again) doesn't scare me quite as much as losing their minds scares most people.

it has come to my attention that people are reading my blog. Yay!

And it has also come to my attention that my readers, well, let's be honest here, reader, likes to read what I have to say about my schizo-affective disorder. Another yay! Because there's always a lot to say.

That's kind of a lie. Sometimes there's not much to say at all, for example I'm spending all my time in bed sleeping because I'm so depressed. (Or, as is more usually the case, I'm so depressed because I'm spending all my time sleeping). Even though I've completed, since my initial diagnosis of schizophrenia in 1998 (later my diagnosis was switched to schizo-affective disorder, which means I have sympotoms of both bipolar and schizophrenia, I know, yikes!, and also means I respond to medication used to treat both illnesses) a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago (2002) and a Master of Fine Arts degree in photography at Columbia College Chicago (2006), lived on my own in New York City, travelled through Europe with a group of people I didn't know very well, got a short story published in the major literary magazine Another Chicago Magazine, gotten married, and held down the same part-time job for 3 1/2 years, those things are not the whole picture. I mean, a person's remarkable achievements aren't the whole picture of any person's life (I guess that's part of what makes them so remarkable) but for me, my day to day life is in especially stark contrast with my "life on paper" because the truth is I spend most of my time sleeping.

I'm working on getting out of that cycle now. T is key. More later...

posts from the John Lennon fan site web boards

Mick Jagger is so full of contradictions... I think of him as kind of a male chauvinist pig but then I also think of him as pioneering famous performers dressing in drag and wearing makeup... right down to Kurt Cobain, who was definitely NOT a male chauvinist pig, wearing eyeliner.

Lennon had contradictions, too, but his contradictions were separated from each other by being attributes of phases he was going through. Like he had his feminist "Woman is the Nigger of the World" phase, then he had his macho pig Lost Weekend, and then he went back to his feminist phase but this time that involved taking care of Sean and baking bread and otherwise being a house-husband. I like to think he was mainly a feminist, but I mainly base that on him being married to Yoko Ono, who is FINALLY gaining the recognition she deserves as a pioneering feminist who has riot grrrl poster girl Kathleen Hanna as one of her devotees.

So, Lennon was the feminist who complained about ppl being "faggy," and Jagger is the womanizer who was wearing eyeliner before Billy Idol and others made doing so macho in a punk rock kind of way. Curiouser and curiouser...



 Why is the fact that McCartney's going to "be" Kurt Cobain mean his reputation is sinking? I think it means he's smart enough to know that Cobain was ONE OF the most influential rock stars if not of all time, of Cobain's time. Kurt single-handedly made indie rock, previously only available to college students with radio shows, accessable to everyone... 20 years later, we're still seeing the fruits of that.

I suppose you didn't think much of Johnny Cash covering NIN's "Hurt...

I hope when McCartney performs "as Kurt" they do "Pennyroyal Tea..." that's my favorite Nirvana song and let's just say it's the song I put on repeat when I'm feeling desolate, despairing and depressed. Curiously: I believe I read in Cobain bio "Heavier Than Heaven" that Courtney Love originally wrote the song... now there's a woman whose music, along with that of Tori Amos, Ani Difranco, and PJ Harvey almost literally saved my life as a teenager...

but i digress :)

because it had to happen

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