Christian Music Buoys My Spirits

Music is very important to me. Playing music in the darkroom--one with chemistry, an enlarger and photo paper--as a teen used to be a big part of what made the whole experience so meditative. It remains part of my activities today, from writing this blog to soaking up a scenic spot. As well as the usual suspects like “sad girl” band Mazzy Star, grunge queen Courtney Love’s band Hole, and—you guessed it—Tori Amos, I would also play Bob Dylan and Crosby, Stills, and Nash, who I don’t listen to very much anymore.

 Recently, however, my taste in music has taken a new turn. My sister, Laura, got me into Christian music. It’s all she listens to. What happened is that she posted the video to Katy Nichole’s song “Healing Now” on Facebook. Nichole—and Christian music—had me with her line “I thank God/for His love and for the therapy/I thank God there’s pills for my anxiety…” I love this because a lot of people think of Christians as opposing psychiatry and psychiatric medications. But the fact is that we’re not all like that. And Katy Nichole is proving it to the world. (By the way, people who oppose psychiatry come from just about every religious affiliation and political persuasion in the world.)

 I could write a whole article about the aspects of Christianity that I like and oppose, but this isn’t that article. Listening to Christian music makes me feel really connected to Jesus. I’ve started praying a lot since I began listening to Christian music, and it really buoys my spirits. This is the part where you say, “Oh, so you’re saying praying works better than antidepressants?” Not at all—the two are not mutually exclusive! It’s like this: no one claims falling in love treats depression the way medication does, but being in love does (hopefully) make you happier and supports other measures to combat depression.

 Here’s something to tick off hardcore Christians, though. I was just talking with my Spiritual Director about how listening to Christian music is a more spiritual experience for me than going to church! As always, her response offered non-judgmental caring and compassion.

 To get back to Katy Nichole, who is now firmly established as one of my favorite artists, she is quite the mental health activist, with her music, her reels, and more. I really admire her for speaking up for the mental health community the way she does—and I appreciate how her art brings me close to Jesus.

 While Laura listens exclusively to Christian music, I don’t. Yes, rest assured I still listen to Tori Amos! My Spiritual Director suggested that maybe Jesus is waiting for me in other music, too. After all, I wrote this article while listening to the ‘90’s alternative band the Sundays, which had nothing to do with Christian pop!

 

Mother/Daughter Trip to Door County, Wisconsin, June, 2026

Cottagecore Part One

                                             
                                                                   Forest Bathing Part One

                                                                   Forest Bathing Part Two

                                                                                                  

                                                       Shadows (My Optical Obsession)

                                                              Cottagecore Part Two

                                          

                                                                      Edge of the Light

                                           

                                                                  All-American Highway
 

Steps I'm Taking in My New Shoes

 

I haven’t written in a while, I know, but I just got inspired in the shower. Of course, Tommy was cheerleading me through the shower. But that’s beside the point.

What inspired me to write is my new shoes. I’m really proud of them because I drove to the store and went shopping for them all by myself. Usually, Tommy helps me with these kinds of adventures. Not this time.

Unlike most women, I am not a big shoe person. I had to get them because I have plantar fasciitis. It’s a minor injury in the sole of my foot that causes severe heel pain. I drove to the appointment to see the podiatrist about this. Again, all by myself.

All I have to do to get rid of the plantar fasciitis is complete some daily exercises, ice the foot, rest, and not walk around barefoot (hence the new shoes with solid support–Birkenstock sandals). So, I’m very grateful not to be facing another surgery. The latest condition still stinks, though. What it boils down to is one more thing to worry about. It’s a pain. The aspect of my life that’s taking the biggest hit from the new challenge is dieting. I’ve done so much to try to lose weight—the Wegovy pill made me sick, and I even lowered the dosage of my antipsychotic, which was kind of a disaster even though I did it under the guidance of my psychiatrist. I’m sick of trying for weight loss and it not working. I haven’t stopped trying, though. I am on a weight loss pill called Metformin, but the main way it seems to be working is to send me to the bathroom a lot. I guess I’ll deal with it.

I really wanted this post to focus on feeling proud of myself, not complaining! And, I must say, even though I still have severe driving anxiety, I haven’t let it stop me from going where I need to go. I’m proud of that. And, honestly, I’m proud of writing this post. I know I’m not making money anymore when I write, but I’m still proud of myself when I create. We live in dark times, and, as Tori Amos says, we must “out-create.”

Having a lot going on has made me neglect creating. But, 10 years ago, when my brother asked me what my top priorities were, without hesitation, I answered, “My marriage and my health.” I’ve been taking care of my health, and Tommy and I celebrate our 18^th wedding anniversary in September. Last night I was plagued by thinking I’m a failure, but today I think I have a lot to be proud of.

Pink and Green

 

Pink and green are the colors of my smoke-free journey. Pink for pink lungs. Green because I quit on March 11, 2012—in spring, early, early spring, when everyone is craving green, craving spring. Also, green is my favorite color, although blue is at its heels.

As of this writing, I am 14 years smoke-free. Next year, I will have been off the cancer sticks for the number of years I was alive before I started smoking--I started when I was only 15 in 1994! My influences for starting included Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted, Franny Glass in J.D. Salinger’s book Franny and Zooey, and 1990s grunge icon Courtney Love. Today, I realize Girl, Interrupted and Franny and Zooey took place in the ‘60’s and ‘50s, when everyone smoked, and it didn’t make you a “bad girl” to do so. And Courtney Love isn’t someone you really want to emulate (even though I still love her music).

After I became addicted, I didn’t like being “hooked on something,” as my Uncle Bud (who was also schizoaffective and a smoker) liked to put it. But there I was. And it was so stupid, because the way I got hooked was to “practice” smoking so I wouldn’t “look like an idiot” when I bummed smokes off my friends. I mean, isn’t that the dumbest reason you’ve ever heard to do something?

So, within months of starting smoking, it became my dream to quit. A few years later, a friend told me I’d been “trying to quit” ever since he had known me. I tried quitting as a New Year's resolution. I tried quitting for Lent. I quit for six months and then started again. But it didn’t stick until I was in my 30s and married, and had a really bad cold. Not being able to breathe made me determined to quit smoking. I had a good reason: I really like breathing. When I told my doctor, who was treating my cold, he proclaimed, “This cold is a miracle from heaven!” My dream had come true–until a few months later, when I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked a few. By then, I was very put off by the price. I gave the pack to my smoker husband, Tom, and haven’t smoked since then. I still count my quit date as March 11 and act like the slip-up never happened.

Since I quit smoking, Tom has been buying me Pandora charms for each anniversary of quitting. I pick them out because he has no faith in his ability to buy me gifts. This year, we got two charms that feature pink Japanese cherry blossoms. (There’s a lot of green on my bracelet, too.) But, last fall, when I was again getting serious about losing weight, I was very tempted to smoke instead of eating. So that’s when Tom and I got the cherry charm. I wanted the cherries because they remind me of picking cherries in Door County, Wisconsin, a very curative place for me. Being out in nature really soothes me. Maybe that’s why my favorite color is green.