Cigarettes and lipstick and nighttime and the color pink
Silver wallpaper
Heroin chic
Where did the time go?
CD cellophane shiny
And eyeliner, and eyeliner, and eyeliner
Dazzle and crushes on stupid boys who didn’t have the balls for a girl like me
Kill the precious object
Smash the guitar (‘cause it’s cool)
Stab the notebook with a pen until the pen breaks
Dazzle and crushes and burn up that love letter
With a cigarette
Tommy and me at NAMI Walk 2025! Thanks so much to everyone who donated. My big takeaway from the whole experience was to check my self-stigma, ableism, and fatphobia. And they had buttons!
Dear Readers,
I am writing to let you know that on October 28, 2025, I will be getting my third surgery on my left knee. The first one was for a meniscus tear, the second was for my knee replacement, and the one I’m getting soon will be for a repair on my knee replacement. My doctor and I don’t know how it got broken.
I’m trying very hard to be positive about this. Hopefully after my knee heals it won’t be in the same amount of pain that I’m in now. Also, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to use stairs the way I did before a piece of the replacement broke. In fact, using stairs more normally is the main reason I’m getting the surgery. So, I don’t have to get this surgery. This is my choice.
Even though it’s my choice, it’s still weighing very heavily on me. It’s been hard for me to write. It’s been hard for me to write this. Since I scheduled the surgery with my doctor, Tommy and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary, and that was beautiful and fun. A picture from that night is at the top of this letter—our stuffed cat George photobombed the picture! And we are looking forward to our NAMI Walk which is coming up very soon.
So, yeah, basically the point of this letter is FYI. I didn’t want to write this because I was afraid it would be too painful. But now that I have, I’m glad I did.
Thank you for reading.
Peace, Elizabeth
P.S. Happy first day of Fall!
