Why This Schizoaffective Doesn't Shave Her Legs Anymore

 

I’ve stopped shaving my legs for good. I know I’ve been on and off about shaving them in the past, and even declaring I would never shave them again before, but I literally physically can’t shave them anymore. Here’s why.

A couple of years back, I had double knee replacement surgery. My knees don’t hurt anymore like they did before the surgery, when I had bone-on-bone arthritis, but there are certain things I can’t do now. Especially since I got a fracture in my right knee in April, and overcompensating on my left knee made that one suffer, too.

So now, I can barely go up and down stairs, and even before the fracture I couldn’t run, jump, or—and this is where shaving my legs comes in—sit down in a bath tub.

I used to love taking baths. I took one every day, instead of a shower. I would wash my hair in the bath, which I hated, but I loved shaving my legs. Now I only take showers. I’m getting used to it, but it’s almost impossible for me to shave my legs in the shower. I cut myself up so badly. Even with shaving cream, which I just started using again to shave my armpits.

I used to crusade against shaving my body hair. This went back to my teens in the 90s with my riot grrrl friends. (Riot grrrl was 90s feminist punk that included bands like Bikini Kill, which group was fronted by seminal, outspoken feminist rocker Kathleen Hanna.) I really didn’t see why it was okay for guys to bare their hairy legs and armpits, but not girls. For that matter, I didn’t see why it was okay for girls to dye their hair blue and have tattoos and body piercings, but it wasn’t okay for us to have body hair. (I had blue streaks in my hair for a week, and I also used to have a navel ring.) All of this is to say that I’ve never been a devoted body hair shaver. So, it’s strange to me that I miss having smooth legs so much, and that I religiously shave my armpits now.

One reason is that I am now very overweight, and I don’t feel good about my body. I shave my armpits because I don’t want to feel any grosser than I already do. Most of the weight was gained in my 20s from taking an antipsychotic that causes catastrophic metabolic effects. Yes, I have tried other antipsychotics and, yes, I am seeing a dietician and have been on other diets. All the weight loss medications I have tried have made me very ill.

I have also considered getting my legs waxed and using depilatories. With all I’ve been through with my body, if having smooth legs makes me feel better, I feel I should look at my options. It’s just that I’ve been removing body hair by shaving all my life. Waxing sounds expensive, and depilatories sound messy at best. My husband, Tommy, said depilatories work by chemically burning the hair off. Now I can’t get that description out of my head! I care more about me shaving than he does. He doesn’t care at all. But it is my body.

The other thing is that my leg hair is growing in a lot more slowly and is lighter than it used to be. I am 46. Maybe Mother Nature is letting me off the hook as I get older. Also, I bought loose-fitting, breezy pants to wear in the summer instead of skirts or shorts. They cover up my lower legs. So no one can see my leg hair.

I guess all of this is to say I’m trying to figure out how much having smooth legs means to me. What I really don’t like is that instead of choosing hairy legs, it seems to have been forced on me.