The intensive outpatient program (IOP) I completed recently inspired me to keep a gratitude journal. Also very recently, the website HealthyPlace–where I blogged for 10 years–stopped commissioning bloggers. So I, like all the other bloggers, was let go. Many other bloggers wrote goodbye, thank you, and gratitude entries about their blogs. I didn’t get a chance to–my final article was already scheduled. So this article on my independent blog is both a goodbye to my Creative Schizophrenia blog on HealthyPlace, as well as a gratitude journal entry about it.
Creative Schizophrenia made me proud. I was proud to be writing professionally, and proud to be advocating for mental health. HealthyPlace did incredible things for my writing. I no longer only wrote when I was moved to but for deadlines, with editors depending on the content. I couldn’t wait until what my poet friend has called “the gods of inspiration” showed up. I had to write at least every other week. Writing was no longer a hobby. It was my job–and I felt responsible to my audience.
Other than taking my writing to the next level, HealthyPlace and Creative Schizophrenia established me as a mental health advocate. I was working with a great editor, Natasha Tracy, and I got to interview Michelle Hammer, founder and owner of Schizophrenic.NYC. And, of course, the blog also meant I helped others who shared the challenges of mental illness. Favorite comments from readers said things like, “I thought I was the only one!” “Your writing helped me realize what was happening to me!” I did sometimes get mean comments, such as from one person who called me “fatphobic” and “ableist.” She called me fatphobic because my article bemoaned my weight gain from my medication. I don’t know where she got “ableist” from. Also, it was very distressing when people contacted me through my personal space via Facebook, my personal email, or even my cell phone. It got to the point where I changed my name on Facebook. If I did respond at all (usually I blocked these kinds of overtures) I told people to leave a comment on the blog. That’s what the comments section is for, and I do respond to comments. This blog includes space for your comments as well.
Looking back on it, a lot of what I wrote about involved hearing voices. That used to happen a lot and the voices hit hard. I used to hear really mean, angry voices. I would snuff them out at first by going on Facebook and listening to Scarlet’s Walk by singer/songwriter and pianist Tori Amos, but Facebook turned into a mean and angry place itself during the 2016 Presidential election, so I switched it up to watching Tori Amos: Live from the Artists’ Den or the Disney/Pixar movie Brave. It was so rewarding when people told me that after they read my work, they had a better handle on their own voices.
I never thought Creative Schizophrenia would go out of my life. It’s coming up on 10 years since I started writing for HealthyPlace. I’m going to do my best to continue writing articles about my mental illness here. It is hard work, but it’s worth it for me and, I hope, for you.
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