On Not Having a Biological Clock; and Fake Feminist Guys

When you fall in love doesn't follow a schedule nor is it timed by a clock. It's especially hard for grrrls... if you lose your virginity "too early," yr a slut, but if you lose it "too late," yr a freak. Similar with marriage... if yr a woman and yr not married by 30, evidently a lot of women's biological clocks start "ticking so loud they can't sleep at night" (I don't know where I read that... it might've been in "Backlash" by Susan Faludi... the quote was evidently a Sally Field line in some movie.) Anyway, I don't have a biological clock. I swear I don't. (In case you don't know, my husband and I aren't gonna have kids.) SOME women even believe that they have a greater chance of getting struck by lightning than getting married after 35-- this urban myth (because that's what it is) started in the 1980s when that frightening and erroneous statistic was published on the cover of Newsweek. I originally thought that I would use my post-grad-school twenties and early thirties to focus on my career, and then marry after 35, since I didn't want kids anyway. I even wrote an essay for a writing class when I was 24 about how I NEVER wanted to get married! I should see if I can dig that up. Well, anyway, then my wonderful, wonderful T came along when I was 27, and that was that! I should tell you that before T, I was going through a slutty phase, and hooking up with losers, guys I didn't even like, guys who somehow thought they loved me even as they wanted to change major things about me (like the guy who wanted to marry me but didn't want me to keep my last name and was "confident he could change my mind") and stupid little boys who needed to grow the fuck up-- just all kinds of no-good not worthy guys.  The last such hookup was with a guy I wasn't even attracted to, I just slept with him to get him to shut up about wanting to sleep with me (sad, I know), and my friends and I had nicknamed him "Sketchy ___ " before I slept with him. It was so depressing and humiliating, not to mention shameful, that I decided I would not hang out with, date, fuck, or otherwise waste my time with guys who as much as they gave lip service to feminism clearly did not respect me. (Okay, my other feminists are gonna hate me for saying this, but I've noticed that guys who call themselves feminists can be the worst offenders when it comes to being lame, disrespectful shitty boyfriends. Example: one of my boyfriends who called himself a feminist wouldn't offer to walk me to my car at night from his apartment in a shitty neighborhood. I had to ask him to walk me every time. But I could write a whole post about how particularly shitty this boyfriend was, so I'll stop there.) So I didn't date or fuck for a year. And then I met T. There were clearly a lot of wonderful things I noticed about him at first, but a lot of them came from how thoughtful he was. And one of the ways he was thoughtful was that he showed me that he valued my time. For instance, in the past guys had called to say they were running a half hour late and then show up two hours late. When T and I first started dating, one time he called to say he was running 20 minutes late. I thought, "Great, here we go." He showed up ten minutes after that phone call. In other words, he is a gentleman. Which is something fake feminist guys don't know how to be. (By the way, I tracked down my 2003 essay on why I didn't want to get married, and I think it's best if it stays in 2003.)