on being a woman of size

I am a woman of size. I'm still not used to being this way. I am this way because of psychiatric medication. I think that's why it bothers me. I'm not "supposed" to be this way, I feel. It's the medication's "fault."

While I acknowledge and am grateful that these medications allow people like me to lead normal lives and to thrive in the world, part of me does feel like it's cruel to give people who already feel bad about themselves medications that cause this much weight gain. But they make medications that don't cause weight gain. On me, those medications don't seem to work as well. I'm even on a separate medication that is supposed to prevent weight gain.

The last paragraph was thinking in terms of "it's bad to be overweight." I think I may be afraid to think "off the grid" in terms of weight (ie, "who says it's bad to be overweight?") because I don't want to let the medication off the hook. This may be somewhat reasonable, but I take the medication for a reason. Maybe it's time to accept myself (my self) as overweight, and stop letting a culture that denigrates people of size off  the hook. I'm not doing myself any favors by NOT letting the medication off the hook while continuing to take the medication.