why do I even bother trying to be an ethical, healthy person?

I feel like i don't know what to do
what to hear
who do be

what's the difference between pushing myself in a healthy way and doing it in an unproductive way that just stresses me out, rendering me miserable and unproductive? Where do you draw the line, and how do you know where to draw the line?

I have not been as artistically productive since I quit smoking. I also haven't been fulfilling my housekeeping duties. I started feeling boxed in until I started drinking again, thus realizing I can drink and not have a cigarette. I think it's good that I went off the sauce early in my quit attempt though.