This is it. This is my last post for HealthyPlace. Wanna know what's next? This is what's next! This blog. The Light in November. From now on, I will be writing articles (and, as you can see, poems) about mental illness right here. So, stay tuned! I'm not going anywhere!
I am buried somewhere
Cold cold
And dark
I tuck my body in a fetus position
For warmth and maybe
For protection
But there is no light here
No no no
Light
There might be some if I
Opened my eyes
But for right now
They are shut
Shut tight
Until I am ready to face light
Light there is
Or isn't
My eyes are shut
Shut shut tight
copyright Elizabeth Caudy
I am fat.
I'm
still not used to being this way.
I am this way because of psychiatric medications.
I think that's why it bothers me.
I'm not "supposed" to be this way
I feel. It's the medication's "fault."
It’s
cruel to give people who already feel bad about themselves medications that
cause this much weight gain.
But they make medications that don't cause weight gain.
On me, those medications don't seem to work as well. I'm even on a separate
medication that is supposed to prevent weight gain.
That
last paragraph was thinking in terms of "it's bad to be overweight."
I think I may be afraid to think "off the grid" in terms of weight--"Who says it's bad to be overweight?" I don't want to let the
medication off the hook.
This may be somewhat reasonable, but I take the medication for a reason.
Maybe it's time to accept myself (my self) as overweight
And stop letting a culture off the hook that denigrates people.
I'm not doing myself any favors by NOT letting the medication off the hook
NOT while continuing to take the medication.
copyright Elizabeth Caudy
Eggplant
I remember eggplant
I remember getting sick
I remember I remember I remember
being a bad friend, getting sick, not being able to eat onions
and then all the teabags in the world
couldn’t save my soul from being such a bad, bad friend
and then the cutting started
no it didn’t--that was a lie
see how horrible I am
I lied I lied to my best friend before she went to camp
I remember I remember hairy armpits and taking acid
I remember her talking about getting raped
did she lie too? no it wasn’t a lie.
it was not a lie
only I lie to my best friends
copyright Elizabeth Caudy
I’ve become so accustomed to madness
I’ve forgotten its darkness.
My eyes have adjusted to the dark.
copyright Elizabeth Caudy
