on fake male feminism

Ever dated a hipster guy with greasy hair who's in a band and reads Bust and listens to Le Tigre but still mysteriously has the romantic-and-otherwise social skills toward you and women in general of a 15-year-old... but you don't realize it until after you can see through his "sensitive" posturing, and by then it's too late? Then maybe then you can relate to this...

These words may come back to bite me in the a**, but you can respect women without being a feminist. I had this one "feminist" boyfriend who was SOOOO disrespectful. He thought he shouldn't have to walk me to my car at night in his crappy neighborhood because we were feminists. Give me an old-fashioned, chivalrous gentleman who respects women and respects me any day over a pseudo-feminist (who more than likely just calls himself that to get laid) who uses his pseudo-feminism as a cloak for boorish behavior such as expecting women to screw on the first date and not walking them to their car!

Question: Which of today's modern artists do you think John Lennon would appreciate?

Yoko Ono has said in interviews that she really likes Courtney Love/Hole, Bjork, and the B-52s. So I'm sure that would influence John. Also, Sean was a fan of Nirvana back in the day and Julian likes U2. I think John might also like Sonic Youth, the Boredoms, and Radiohead, for being experimental, and perhaps Kathleen Hanna because she publicly pretty much worships Yoko Ono, and maybe John's feminist leanings would appreciate Hanna's being the poster girl for riot grrrl. He might also appreciate Ani Difranco's spitfire, take-no-prisoners feminist lyrics (can you tell yet I'm a child of the '90s?) His avant garde anti-art artsy side may appreciate Lydia Lunch and Diamanda Galas. I would expect him to like punk in general, but it was having its hey-day with the likes of Patti Smith before he died and I haven't heard of him being very impressed. When this question was posed in a magazine to other famous musicians, Sinead O'Connor suggested he'd like the gritty rawness of rap. In terms of more recent music, Cibo Matto (and not just because Sean did an album with them), Pink, and Lady Gaga. that's what instantly comes to mind... I'm gonna go look at what other ppl wrote.

Crumpet

This is my Christmas Elf. His name is Crumpet. I named him after David Sedaris' elf name for himself in the short story "The Santaland Diaries," (in which Sedaris took a job as a Macy's Christmas elf) in his collection "Holidays On Ice." This collection of short stories is a must for anyone jaded, fed up with, or downright disgusted with the joy-as-commodity rat-race of consumerism ("Your moments of joy have the precision of military strategy" --Barbara Kruger) the USA has made of what should be a spiritual time of reflection a la SILENT night. But I think it's safe to say the global culture of the 21st century is not down with quiet reflection, let alone silence. But enough of that.

As you can see, Crumpet is addicted to Green Apple Mentos and he sleeps on a '50's pin-up mousepad. What you can't see is that when you squeeze his belly, he lets out a childlike yet demonic (or demonic in it's childlike-ness?) gleeful laugh that gives the impression that not only is he laughing AT you, not with you, he is overjoyed and delighted at the dark lunacy of not only our American Christmas season, but at the whole farce that is human existence. Indeed, Crumpet the Christmas Elf would be quite at home in a dark, smoky French cafe in the days of yore discussing the side of existentialism that leans towards being nihilistic with the likes of Sartre. Of course, Crumpet's only form of communication is his sinister baby laugh. But I think Sartre-- along with the early Dadaist performance artists of that era-- would get it.

I have senses I've been told don't exist.

grains
of shadow and light
blown up
exploded, blown out of proportion, to make
a face
your face
my face is nothing but a million trillion grains on a negative (remember those?)
coalescing, no, conjuring into being, this weird fleshy mass with weird wet spots and air vents that I call my face

I have been conjured into being

a swirl of grains dancing their primordial, galactic swirl into form, the form of what you foolishly think of as solid: yourself

I am here to tell you that you are not yourself

oh, really, mother, doctor, well-meaning friend, psych ward staff, then who am I?

never mind that. It's trite. Unless you've ever been locked up before. Well, I have, and I still know I don't want to play that card. So why don't I delete it?

I am here to tell you, mother, doctor, well-meaning friend, psych ward staff, that you are not yourselves

your first problem is that you think you end where the space around you begins
you don't realize that the air is TP-ed and cobwebbed with shooting synaptic connections and your very "edges" dissolve into the space around you, like an aroma

I have senses I've been told don't exist. Well, fuck you, what if I told you your sense of smell didn't exist?

What if...

I like you so much I talk to everyone but you

I was studying at the Rhode Island School of Design while George Harrison's son Dhani was at Brown. I was friends with a girl at Brown who lived on Dhani's floor. My friends back in Chicago thought I was "in."

This situation severely stressed me out. All my good friends assumed I'd arrange a way to meet Dhani Harrison because I'm obsessed with the Beatles, but the obsession was exactly the reason I did not want to go anywhere near him. For one thing, I much preferred to spin my Beatle fantasies without the crude interruption of who they really were. They had always been this faraway, if-only fairyland fantasy folk for me, and-- seemingly at the last minute-- I discovered I did not, under any circumstances, want to get too close to the reality because that would have to mean surrenduring the cherished fantasy. For another thing, honestly, what was I going to say to the kid? How sexy I thought his dad was? (Although Harrison the Younger is pretty sexy in his own right: think Gen X version of his Beatle dad.)

But my Chicago friends will never let me live down the fact that while I was at the Rhode Island School of Design, I did not set designs (no pun intended) on Dhani before I transferred to The School of the Art Institute of Chicago. The part of me that did want to meet him had always thought, "Oh, well, I'm sure we'll meet at some point" because you see my transfer to SAIC was rather abrupt and therefore not even in my five-year-plan a month before I left RISD. While settling back in Chicago after the fact and taking shit from my friends, the part of me that wanted to meet Dhani also thought, "Maybe Dhani will transfer to Northwestern."

Now Dhani is married to an ex-model/psychologist with fantastic legs and I am married to the wonderful, wonderful man I call T on this blog. I did meet Ted Turner's son at RISD, and I was an ass so maybe it's a good thing I didn't meet Dhani anyway.

"I like you so much I talk to everyone but you..." --Ani Difranco

ALL THE DRAMA THAT YOU CRAVE: THE FACEBOOK POSTS

About You

one of the bravest grrrls alive. salinger-esque. former waitress. former retail whore. schizo-affective. feminist. grrrl. photographer. writer. ear with feet/ tori-phile. aries. 33. married. secretary. cat lover. pro-choice. activist. non-breeder. reader. collector of books. raging insomniac. coffee addict (aren't we all?) occasional indulger in pinot grigio. non-smoker. I kept my "maiden" name when I married. mentholated cherry cough drop addict. bad housekeeper who can't cook (I am not proud.)


blog: http://thelightinnovember.blogspot.com/

REVOLUTION GRRRL STYLE NOW!

"What does not kill us makes us stranger" -- the animated series Aeon Flux

Basic Info

Birthday	April 15, 1979
Sex	Female
Interested In	Women
Relationship Status	Married
Anniversary	September 13, 2008
Religious Views	Religions, philosophies, mysticism (including atheism) are tools to help our puny brains understand truths they could not otherwise fathom, different truth-seeking paths to the same uber-reality, different means to the same end. That said, I identify as a Christian witch. I follow the teachings of Jesus, as well as the philosophy of Wicca, which is "Harm none," to the best of my ability. I worship Mother Mary as an Incarnation of the Goddess. I do not perform Ritual Magic(k). Saints i am into: St. Dymphna, Mary Magdalene, St. Agnes. Ask me about The Black Madonna... I love to have dialogues about this stuff!
Political Views	feminist/socialist

Website	http://elizabethcaudy.com http://facebook.com/escphoto
Networks	Columbia College, SAIC

Favorite Quotations

"Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognize." --Diane Arbus

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." --Gloria Steinem

"When you're going through Hell, keep going." --Winston Churchill

"If you don't change direction, you may end up where you are headed" --Lao Tzu

"God doesn't ask us to do great things. He asks us to do small things with great love." --Mother Teresa

"Belief in Mysteries, any manner of Mysteries, is the only lasting luxury in life." --Mrs. Fortune, from "The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Keatley Snyder

"Sometimes bein' happy, baby, is what I'm most afraid of..." --Bikini Kill

"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones." --Truman Capote

"Good judgement comes from experience, which comes from bad judgement." --a sign at a restaurant

"Hell hath no fury like the day I was born" --Courtney Love

"... if he ever saw it, it was through these eyes of mine/ and if he ever suffered it was me who did his crying" --Concrete Blonde

"This living, this living, this living/ was never a project of mine..." --Dorothy Parker

"My heart is sick of being in chains" -- Tori Amos

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" --Tennessee Williams

liking not being a smoker

on Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 4:42pm ·

OK, so I'm a week shy of having not smoked a cigarette for three months, but I still have cravings for cigarettes. But this happy new thing is happening: I REALLY LIKE being a non-smoker. I just like everything about it: mostly not being "hooked on something," as my Uncle Buddy would put it. So now, when I want a cigarette, I think about how much I like being a non-smoker, and then I don't want one. Isn't that great? Come on, you know you all wanna tell me how great that is! ;)

applicable albums

on Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 12:56pm ·

of my life...

Little Earthquakes-- Tori Amos
Automatic For the People-- REM

of the year...

Amrita... All These and the Japanese Soup Warriors-- Loop Guru
Scarlet's Walk-- Tori Amos
Biophilia-- Bjork
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness-- Smashing Pumpkins
the soundtrack to Yellow Submarine-- The Beatles

of peace...

Year of Meteors-- Laura Veirs
I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One-- Yo La Tengo
Siamese Dream-- Smashing Pumpkins
Among My Swan-- Mazzy Star
Flood-- They Might Be Giants
Homogenic-- Bjork
To Venus and Back-- Tori Amos
Out of Range-- Ani Difranco
White Chalk-- PJ Harvey
The White Album-- The Beatles
Pussy Whipped-- Bikini Kill

of love...

Post-- Bjork
Nine Objects of Desire-- Suzanne Vega
Vespertine-- Bjork
Dear Sir-- Cat Power
Not a Pretty Girl-- Ani Difranco
Geek the Girl-- Lisa Germano
Last Exit-- Traffic
Axis: Bold as Love-- Jimi Hendrix
Ziggy Stardust-- David Bowie
Exile On Main Street-- Rolling Stones
Dig Me Out-- Sleater-Kinney
Jewel-- Cranes
Be OK-- Ingrid Michaelson
Blood Pressures-- The Kills

of chaos...

Let It Bleed-- Rolling Stones
Requiem Mass-- Mozart
Plastic Ono Band-- John Lennon
All Hands On the Bad One-- Sleater-Kinney
The Passion of Joan of Arc-- Voices of Light
Plague Mass-- Diamanda Galas
Loved-- Cranes

of 1994...

So Tonight That I Might See-- Mazzy Star
Live Through This-- Hole
Monster-- REM
Pretty On the Inside-- Hole
Storm in Heaven-- Verve
Surrealistic Pillow-- Jefferson Airplane
Incesticide-- Nirvana
99.9 F Degrees-- Suzanne Vega

of art...

She Hangs Brightly-- Mazzy Star
Atom Heart Mother-- Pink Floyd
Crosby, Stills and Nash-- Crosby Stills and Nash
After Bathing at Baxter's-- Jefferson Airplane
Happiness-- Lisa Germano
Boys For Pele-- Tori Amos

of magical thinking...

Songs of Love and Hate-- Leonard Cohen
From the Choirgirl Hotel-- Tori Amos
Ray of Light-- Madonna
4 Track Demos-- PJ Harvey
Piper At the Gates of Dawn-- Pink Floyd
Strange Little Girls-- Tori Amos
Dry-- PJ Harvey
Revolver-- The Beatles
Saltbreakers-- Laura Veirs
No Wow-- The Kills

becoming a feminist

on Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 5:42pm ·

OK, so I was 7 when in 1986 I started questioning gender roles and challenging them, but I didn't realized that could be called feminism until I was 11 and got really into the activism of the late '60s/ early '70s, and then when I was 12. I (attempted to) read "The Feminine Mystique." I pretty much considered myself a full-blown feminist by the end of my freshman year of high school.


--the brevity of this is due to the fact that I originally wanted to put it under "changed beliefs" on my timeline, but "they" didn't "think" "a feminist" was a proper response to the field "became," so I'm posting it here instead


Maybe I considered myself a full-fledged feminist by the end of 8th grade, because the 8th grade yearbook, in the part where they said what we'd be when we grew up, said I'd be a women's rights activist. Also, I remember this really really sad incident when I was 15 and my mom would let my brother walk around alone at night but she wouldn't let me do it, and when I asked her why, she said it was because I was a girl, and I said that was sexist and she said, "That's the way the world is." I knew she was right, and it made me realize for the first time that it wasn't my mom who was sexist or my school that was sexist; I thought to myself, "there will never be true equality until a girl can walk around alone at night without being afraid" and I knew that wouldn't happen for awhile, and, as you can imagine, it really bummed me out... it still bums me out! I didn't have the vocabulary for it then, but that's when I realized we live in a rape culture.

more favorite song lyrics

 on Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 5:40pm ·

entire lyrics to "Driving" by PJ Harvey, off of "4-Track Demos"

"My little sister's eyes were so wide
they must've been the size of the city moon tonight
my little sister's eyes were so wide
they must've been the size of the city"    --The Kills


"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need" --Rolling Stones


"If I took you darlin'
into the caverns of my heart
would you light the lamp, dear?
would you light the lamp, dear?
and see fish with no eyes
bats with their heads
hanging down to the ground
would you still come around?
would you still
come around?"   --Laura Veirs


"To the passing eye
I've been known to fly
it's a matter of breath
and life
and death
and riding the will of the sky..." --Rose Polenzani


Jesus
Help me find my proper place
Jesus
Help me find my proper place
Help me in my weakness
'cause I've fallen out of grace
Jesus
Jesus
--Velvet Underground


"And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it"
--Alanis Morissette


"... he was high on intellectualism
I've never been there, but the brochure looks nice"
--Sheryl Crow

NO MORE FACEBOOK DRAMA!!!!

I posted the following as my facebook status update yesterday:

I thought my fb friends should know I am seriously considering deleting my facebook account in the next few days. I'm trying to get rid of things in my life that stress me out for no good reason, and fb is one of them. I am not going to respond to any comments or questions regarding this post b/c that's exactly the thing I'm sick of. Just know that you shouldn't be worried about me

because even though this may seem sudden, I've been thinking about it for a long time and I think it'll be really positive for me and for my photography (I feel like my attitude toward my art is extremely stifled by considering posting on fb.) I am not personally angry or annoyed at anyone or anyone's comments/questions in particular, I am just sick of the type of interaction that fb facilitates.