therefore,
not hip
not cool
no hipster would want me for his girlfriend
hell, no artist would want me for his girlfriend and good luck getting a show when yr fat
fat like me
the people we now call hipsters used to be the art school equivalent of captains of the football team
and they liked skinny punk rock girls
as long as they weren't so punk rock that they had hairy armpits
I hate the snobs
I hate the haters
I hate myself
I want to be anorexic
so that it'll show on the outside
what they're doing to me, day in and day out
although I'm a little fuzzy on who "they" is
I am going against love
my husband loves my big boobs, my big belly, my big ass
my husband loves me, the way I am
but still I don't feel good enough
I don't feel thin enough
it all makes sense now
I'll get all skinny and anorexic, and then I'll collapse on Angelina Jolie's doorstep
but, see, it's not just Angelina Jolie
it's a whole global culture that tells girls and women they HAVE to look like the women in magazines and on TV... or else!!!
Or else what? We won't be able to be in beer commercials?
People on TV have to look good because they're being paid to. If you're not being paid to look good on TV, why bother killing yourself to look like people on TV?
That's what the sane side of me says. And that side usually wins. But somehow, still, I want to show them. Show them what they've done to me. I want to show them all, even though I know, I KNOW, that they won't give a flying fuck...
...and it'll just hurt the people who love me. I don't want to hurt the people who love me to make a point to some paper-plastic faces on the magazine rack. You just don't fuck with love.
And that's why I write. It keeps me from hurting. It's my salvation.
